R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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