I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
