So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
