I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
