Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
