apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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