I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
