i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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