god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
