so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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