I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
