Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Im part way to drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
