apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
