my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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