So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
