My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
