I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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