remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
