I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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