you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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