About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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