pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
