the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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