He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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