You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
