remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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