she woke up with a sticky ear
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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