I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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