I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
