We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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