You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
