Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
