The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
