i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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