I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
