he puts the penis in happiness.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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