he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
