Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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