i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
