I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
worst night to have a conscience
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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