he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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