Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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