im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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