i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
