I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
