just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
