just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
