Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
