so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
