So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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