i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
