READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
