i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
