I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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