the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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