I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
