i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
